There's also this: showing empathy as a way to be cruel. Someone saying "I'm doing this for your good" when the thing done doesn't do any good at all, for example, is a way of showing how empathy might blind people completely about reality. Of course, there are actually ways of teaching people that things that might seem "bad" are not actually bad because they are preparing for something bigger (like asking a child to study before playing, for example). However some Germans in the beginning of Nazi Regime really thought, firstly, that the ghettos were actually helping Jews becoming more healthy (because Jews were considered the ones to give tifus to people in Germany, so the ghettos would be a way for the public health professionals to help them by treating and curing them), and then one of the worst regimes started taking shape and some years later became a cruel genocide.
Empathy also is a secondary feeling. No one has empathy as the first feeling, it's always shock, frustration, sadness, disgust, happiness etc. First you feel something and then you project that to the other person, which is actually what happens in development - the baby first feels hungry, then thinks the mom or dad or sibling feels hunger too and with time understands that people feel differently than them. Which might mean that stopping at empathy might also be a problem of development - the person doesn't develop psychologically enough to understand that the feeling isn't what the other person feels or vice-versa. I see some cases of empathy that are completely wrong too.
Reading your text and knowing that you're a psychologist also makes me glad because I can see that there are people in the world who fight the status quo that is driving millions to mental health problems.
The pendulum tends to swing too far as your article points out so well. I like the word discernment...perhaps we can learn to be a little more discerning about what each situation needs.
Yea we are too quick to highlight the positives of empathy and often completely disregard its negatives. Let's hope we are able to use the gift of discernment in all such situations. Thank you Donna!
There's also this: showing empathy as a way to be cruel. Someone saying "I'm doing this for your good" when the thing done doesn't do any good at all, for example, is a way of showing how empathy might blind people completely about reality. Of course, there are actually ways of teaching people that things that might seem "bad" are not actually bad because they are preparing for something bigger (like asking a child to study before playing, for example). However some Germans in the beginning of Nazi Regime really thought, firstly, that the ghettos were actually helping Jews becoming more healthy (because Jews were considered the ones to give tifus to people in Germany, so the ghettos would be a way for the public health professionals to help them by treating and curing them), and then one of the worst regimes started taking shape and some years later became a cruel genocide.
Empathy also is a secondary feeling. No one has empathy as the first feeling, it's always shock, frustration, sadness, disgust, happiness etc. First you feel something and then you project that to the other person, which is actually what happens in development - the baby first feels hungry, then thinks the mom or dad or sibling feels hunger too and with time understands that people feel differently than them. Which might mean that stopping at empathy might also be a problem of development - the person doesn't develop psychologically enough to understand that the feeling isn't what the other person feels or vice-versa. I see some cases of empathy that are completely wrong too.
Reading your text and knowing that you're a psychologist also makes me glad because I can see that there are people in the world who fight the status quo that is driving millions to mental health problems.
The pendulum tends to swing too far as your article points out so well. I like the word discernment...perhaps we can learn to be a little more discerning about what each situation needs.
Thanks for another great post Anju!
Yea we are too quick to highlight the positives of empathy and often completely disregard its negatives. Let's hope we are able to use the gift of discernment in all such situations. Thank you Donna!